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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Marriage Post

There's a thing going around facebook which is a like a 7 Day Marriage Challenge... or I'm not sure exactly, but people post pictures about their marriage for 7 days.  Anyway, I've been 'challenged' at least 3 times now, so I thought I would go in.  I've decided to put my own spin on it though.  hah - gotcha! (jk)

Anyway, I think married life is worth celebrating and can be rather challenging sometimes, so it good to remember why you bothered.  I also think single life is worth celebrating and can be rather challenging sometimes, so it's good to remember why you are bothering.  This has been sort of my crux of participating, so here I go, reinventing things a bit.

Day 1 - Past.
I don't keep it a secret, but naturally something I don't speak to in open company often, but my current marriage is not my first marriage.  Sometimes people regret divorce, but in my case I regret ever getting married in the first place.  I know now the reasons I got into it were based on insecurity and loneliness and so in choosing a spouse, I choose poorly.  And while I could easily vilify my ex, very few men would have been much of a match for me at that point in my life.  It simply wasn't truly what I wanted at that point in my life, which wasn't something I truly knew about me and certainly wasn't comfortable admitting to myself.  

Life goes on, you pick up the pieces and you tell yourself it isn't worth wallowing... and it's not.  You find a career you enjoy, you open yourself up to friendships and eventually love, and you run.... you run and run and run.  I've been applauded for walking away relatively non-jaded, and I know I'm a tough cookie... but I don't discount the struggle it is to live life with regret.  To process that, without hating yourself for it.  It's a challenge to get there, but a worthy one.

This is the only photo I have of the TC 10 mile, the longest I had ever ran at that point in time.  I felt alone, but I had just come farther than I ever had before and that I could keep going without anyone by my side. 


Day 2  - Choice

While I won't bore you with the philosophy, I'm a skeptic to the idea that we actually have true freedom of choice.  That said, I believe a mentally healthy outlook is too feel like you are in control of your own choices and to take ownership.  What a dichotomy!  So to the extent that I can, I believe I choose to be married.  It's something I wanted.  Why I wanted it... is not as easy to pin down.  The shared bank account, tax benefit and double income are certainly benefits, for instance I couldn't afford my home without a partner, but I believe it's more than that.

I like having a best friend, a companion, a cheerleader.  I like someone who understand my problems and gaps and still accepts me as who I am.  I wanted a family... and I don't just mean 'baby'.  I mean children ... and maybe some grandchildren some day, and nieces and nephews and even inlaws.  I wanted a backyard with a firepit to roast marshmallows.  To sit by it with someone who's with you through thick and thin.  I wanted to make coffee for someone in the morning (and I usually do).
The family I gained
Day 3 - Love

I'm guilty of being somewhat of a serial monogamist.  It's not something I like about myself, so I try to embrace it by telling others before they tell me.  ;)  hah! Anyway, I guess you get that point where the 'cult of the new' in dating sort of fades and you are actually looking for worthwhile relationship which seems to not exist.  
                                                                                  
I remember vividly the first time I met Matt McCrorey.  He was energetic and interesting, and clearly a lover of life.  He understood things about me and my history that I had trouble explaining to anyone, partially because we had a lot in common, but also because he really listened.  He was also really darn cute ;).  It had been a long time since I felt that excited about anyone... perhaps never.  

Our first picture together


Day 4 - Luck 

I think finding the right person is tough to do.  I honestly think it almost boils down to luck.   I think you can increase your luck by attempting to meet more people, and being open to the possibility, but that's basically the two cards you get.  

Here are just some of the things I'm really lucky to have with Matt
-He's a really hard worker and is exuberant about doing lots of things.  
-He's gone a long for a few crazy rides and supports me though all of the crazy schemes I cook up.  
-He thinks I'm smart and beautiful. (and I know this on my own, but I like being on the same page ;)
-He fixes things around the houses and makes our house a home.  We would live in shambles if it was up to me.  
-He understands more about about me than anyone else.  
-He think it's cool that I'm a feminist (and I think he is one too!)
-He cheers me on at races and even is doing one with me this fall!
-He also fixed my computer so this post is actually possible.

I'm really lucky.
Lucky enough to be kissing this 70s stash! 

Day 5 - Adventure

Matt goes along with my crazy schemes, and cooks up a few himself too. Together, we have traveled across the country, and now the world, helped run a non-profit together, planted a garden, opened up our home to our friends, gone camping, gotten trapped in a blizzard in the Appalachians together, caught the last bus, then train, then bus again to get back to Muenchen, and caught a lot of pokemon!
Sportin Passportin


Day 6 - Heart

Matt's has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  It's sounds cliche I know, but Matt always gives it his all.  Consequently, he's not mild mannered or of soft reproach, but I guess that wouldn't be very interesting.  He maximizes and perfects, and he gets involved.  He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and it's a beautiful thing to live life that fully.  It's something I'll probably never do, but I have had a lot more feeling of the feels since I've been with him, and for that I'm largely grateful.  It's good to not be a robot... sometimes ;) .

Feeling all the feels with my main guy Matty McC
  


Day 7 - The Future.

As of my first wedding anniversary, this is the longest relationship I have ever been in.  Somehow, I feel this legitimizes something.  It also is a thing that makes me feel old.  #meh  Anyway, everything going forward is uncharted territory, and that's exciting!  My hope for the future is that we go on more adventures, do more crazy stuff, and maybe take a little more time to just relax and enjoy life once in a while.  

Rockin the Mun, and Marriage #winning